Crappy night.

Im feeling pretty depressed 2day..

Something that, she said...

Really hurt me inside.

A sudden epiphany

Its happening again...
This usually happens like.. once or twice a month.. where..
I would feel lost with myself..

I feel like.. i only update my blog when im feeling upset and down..
Which explains why nobody reads my blog...
But.. i understand.. its okay.. No1 has 2 care..
I guess, i've developed this mindset where.. I always just expect the worst.
So that i won't feel that bad.. whenever something bad happens.

I don't know what issit... but i can't seem 2 find.. myself anymore..
I can't feel that... zing in myself lately...
Particularly 2day..

Im supposed 2 feel happy..
Cuz just yesterday.. school brotherz qualified for the top 8..
But 2day... im just feeling so...
DOwn.. And really low esteemed. I just can't seem to find my confidence again..
And im looking for answers.. that i can't seem 2 find...

I have a girlfriend...
SHouldn't i be happy?
Shouldn't i be talking 2 her right now?
2 share.. my emotions... and hope she can try and understand or at least make me feel better?
I don't know... but... i feel like... theres something wrong, with this relationship.. but.. i don't know what?

Like... what issit?
We argue alot more than before..
After an arguement... theres no conclusion no understanding..
Just unsatisfaction..

I haven't felt alone in awhile.. ady
But seriously 2nite...

I feel really alone...

And i don't understand...
Issit because.. im a bad boyfriend?
Issit because.. im a terrbile person?
Issit karma? Have i done anything bad 2 sum1 before?
Hve i been lazy? Have i not been working hard?
All this... i don't have answers to.

I used 2 always judge people for being emotional and shit.
But really... im starting 2 understand them now..

I just want...
to be happy with my gilfriend again..
I want, our chemistry 2 work back like last time..
I wanna feel excited when i see her...
I want her 2 be proud 2 have me as a boyfriend...
I want her 2 feel, that I am attractive...

I want 2 IMPROVE.. in my dancing..
My animation.. and my drawing skills...
I don't want 2 complain, about anything...
I just want to work hard.. and develop strong rituals..
2 achieve my goals...


WOw...... I know what i want now...

I've gotta, start working out more... Start taking care of my looks..
Treat my gf better...
I have 2 start back my animation...
But 2moro.. i gotta do the concept art for my final project..

Man... im so busy.. But busy in a good way..
Wow.... Writing blog have... made me felt better...
I now do know what i want. :)

Alrite... Lets keep it strong!
Astro battleground~!!!
Im gonna dance my ass offfff!!!! :D

Taken :)

For once.. i don't feel lonely anymore.
To feel truly loved.. its priceless.. :)
Im so happy 2 have met you.

Hardwork~! excitement!

Dad.. sorry for being irresponsible..
Im gonna promise myself 2 work harder even more.
If u can do it. i will. i love you dad.

well, i just came back from rehersals
Started mopping the floor, tidying up the house. till 4am.
Gonna wake up on 6,
Gonna hang out with her 2moro..
Im excited! :)

Lately... i've  been feeling alot better~
Alot happier~ :)
Thank you :')

All this time, i've been positive, and i always like 2 spread my positive aura 2 people all around me.
But when im sad, i always keep it 2 myself.
I have been sad, lonely, and despressed this whole month.
And just when i thought, that i found some1, that i would at least.
Make me happier.. someone, that actually made me feel, wanted. and cared about at least.
You just had to go and, Tear out my heart.. just like that. and it made me feel so...
So... uselesss... and truely worthless. I've never felt like this for a very very long time.
I've always felt, happy, and positive. RITE NOw.. because of you... i feel So... USED.
wHY..... I really really hurts.. Really.

Wadafak

Its feels like no matter how hard i try..
Winners lose, losers win..

But im gonna keep believing...
no matter..

I think, my problem is that... i expect too much from too little?
I keep expecting a reward for every little small shit i do.

So from now on... im not gonna expect much.
But.. thats just rly demotivating.. :(

But im gonna keep doing it...
No matter.

I feel like... deep down, truly no1. at all.. understands me...
I feel very. unwanted.

Issit because, im a terrible person?
Or its because im the type of person, no1 will ever truly give a shit about.

I keep telling myself, keep working hard..
ONEDay... people will look up 2 you, and GIVE A SHIT.

But really... Its slowly killing me inside..
I keep this, real gap, of sadness and emptiness in me...

I guess it really is Karma..
I deserve what i get.. But for how long i really wonder.

BUT... im going too keep working hard.
NO MATTER.

I don't know how long I can keep waiting like this..
But im slowly giving up...

I don't know If i should keep waiting for you.
Because ur worth it...

But even if u break up oneday..
I don't know if i would ever have a chance wit u back again...

My confidence is slowly dying out..
I don't know why... Its just day by day...

I lose myself.. all the time.
I really sick of this.... crappy shitty feeling i get..

But... unless u tel me straight oneday.. that..
I trully have no chance with u.. And that I am truly wasting my time..

Then i will try and move on...
BUT...

Non the less.. i won't give up...
No matter.

nah o0o!

FUCK U DEPRESSION!
Im gonna stay happy!
Work hard! Dance! Paint! Draw! Work out!
Mother fucker!
Im gonna Be Fucking some1 In LIFE!
FUCCCCCCK YOU ALL WHO THINKS I CAN'T DO IT!

I really MOTHER fUCKING LIKE U..
I CAN'T FORGET ABOUT YOU...
AND IM GONNA FUCKING WAIT!

TILL UR FUCKING AVAILABLE!

FUUUUUUUUUUUCK, WHY DOES SHIT HAVE TO ENDUP LIKE THIS!

:D

i need some1 2 talk to...
Don't know how long i can go on like this..

Sick of being depressed.

Well.. Sometimes~
Doing our best isn't ever enough.

well~

Today has been extra depressing~
2 the point where it actually affects my work.. Fuck
I don't know whats wrong with me,
And i don't know what the fuck i want.
I really want an answer... Or do i? Fuck!

U.U

Always, always had feelings for you..
Me, having a chance with you, was just too good to be true...
Biggest regret, was letting you go... fuck im an idiot.

Cny depression~ :S

So yeah~ Cny~
This year, its kinda depressing..
My dad doesn't feel like goin back to his home town..
Family issues~ bug him~
So, im kinda staying back at Kl~
Every1's like away~ im like lonely and shit~
I just drive out my house, and the whole road's like rly empty
Sad~~ so yeah, been kinda lonely and depressed lately~
But, then i found sum stuff that mde me feel better.. and 2 fill out time~
I've been working out more lately, and drawing more~
Guess those are the only things that an fill me~ this week~
Well... loneliness is kindoff the price 2 pay~ :)
I hope i'll feel better soon :)
And, whoever's reading my blog~
Thx , for at least caring :)