A sudden epiphany

Its happening again...
This usually happens like.. once or twice a month.. where..
I would feel lost with myself..

I feel like.. i only update my blog when im feeling upset and down..
Which explains why nobody reads my blog...
But.. i understand.. its okay.. No1 has 2 care..
I guess, i've developed this mindset where.. I always just expect the worst.
So that i won't feel that bad.. whenever something bad happens.

I don't know what issit... but i can't seem 2 find.. myself anymore..
I can't feel that... zing in myself lately...
Particularly 2day..

Im supposed 2 feel happy..
Cuz just yesterday.. school brotherz qualified for the top 8..
But 2day... im just feeling so...
DOwn.. And really low esteemed. I just can't seem to find my confidence again..
And im looking for answers.. that i can't seem 2 find...

I have a girlfriend...
SHouldn't i be happy?
Shouldn't i be talking 2 her right now?
2 share.. my emotions... and hope she can try and understand or at least make me feel better?
I don't know... but... i feel like... theres something wrong, with this relationship.. but.. i don't know what?

Like... what issit?
We argue alot more than before..
After an arguement... theres no conclusion no understanding..
Just unsatisfaction..

I haven't felt alone in awhile.. ady
But seriously 2nite...

I feel really alone...

And i don't understand...
Issit because.. im a bad boyfriend?
Issit because.. im a terrbile person?
Issit karma? Have i done anything bad 2 sum1 before?
Hve i been lazy? Have i not been working hard?
All this... i don't have answers to.

I used 2 always judge people for being emotional and shit.
But really... im starting 2 understand them now..

I just want...
to be happy with my gilfriend again..
I want, our chemistry 2 work back like last time..
I wanna feel excited when i see her...
I want her 2 be proud 2 have me as a boyfriend...
I want her 2 feel, that I am attractive...

I want 2 IMPROVE.. in my dancing..
My animation.. and my drawing skills...
I don't want 2 complain, about anything...
I just want to work hard.. and develop strong rituals..
2 achieve my goals...


WOw...... I know what i want now...

I've gotta, start working out more... Start taking care of my looks..
Treat my gf better...
I have 2 start back my animation...
But 2moro.. i gotta do the concept art for my final project..

Man... im so busy.. But busy in a good way..
Wow.... Writing blog have... made me felt better...
I now do know what i want. :)

Alrite... Lets keep it strong!
Astro battleground~!!!
Im gonna dance my ass offfff!!!! :D